Let's get lost.

"We must take adventures in order to know where we truly belong."

2013 was one of the, if not the worst year of my life. I made many mistakes and I am taking steps to learn from them. The events from last year made me forget who I was, what my goals are, and what I want out of life. I spent too much time worrying. Worrying about how things would turn out, about what other people thought, about my own happiness. I realized at the time that I was making the wrong choices, but something was telling me I had to make them. My judgement was being clouded by feelings and emotions that I had never felt before. And I loved those feelings. I wanted them to stay forever, even though at the same time I had to put up with the bad feelings and forget myself in the process.

This past week I have been battling very dark emotions from my past...struggling against them, pushing them away. Yet they won't leave until I am forced to deal with them. I always distract myself with a book, a tv show, lighthearted conversation, SOMETHING so I won't have to face my demons. When I do have those quiet moments, I find myself longing for the feelings of comfort and false sense of security that the past year brought me. Although I know that it was never in my best interest, I want to go back. After having a talk with a good friend, I realized that going back would mean I was settling for a life that wasn't me. A life I never wanted, one that didn't fit for me.

I've always believed in living life to the fullest, having a never ending sense of curiosity, pursuing your dreams and never settling. Lately it seems that I forgot that. I am determined to make peace with the past and remember who I am. Everyone gets lost once in a while...it's all part of the adventure. Maybe we're meant to take a couple detours now and then. Besides if we never got lost, how would we find our way back again?

Carrying a heavy heart

Credit

The events of this past weekend were truly horrifying and have placed a very sombre feeling over the whole nation. Especially right before Christmas. Unfortunately it takes such a tragic event to remind you to count your blessings every day and not to sweat the small stuff. I mean everyone complains. Daily. In the grand scheme of things, most of our complaints just don't matter. Standing in long lines, paying bills, we don't want to make dinner, or clean our rooms, etc, etc. All of these things are fixable. What took place on Friday is most certainly not fixable and my heart goes out to all the victims' families and anyone who was affected.

A lot of people may disagree, but I think the problem lies not with gun control laws or security of public places, but within ourselves. We love to place the blame on anyone but ourselves. It is so normal for people to throw around the words "hate" or "kill" anymore that if anyone means it, it just goes unnoticed. We need to work together to notice problems before they happen. Most of all, we need to stop hating and realize that the way we treat other people can have a larger impact than we think. Small acts of kindness are so much more powerful than we give credit.

Sometimes when I'm in a hurry at the grocery store and the person in front of me is taking just a little too long, I need to remind myself not to give an angry glare (which, I admit, occasionally does slip out). I take a deep breath, remind myself "Don't sweat the small stuff!", and realize that it is not the end of the world.

That being said, I'm keeping those who were affected in my prayers and so proud of the teachers that sacrificed their safety for others.