"We must take adventures in order to know where we truly belong."
2013 was one of the, if not the worst year of my life. I made many mistakes and I am taking steps to learn from them. The events from last year made me forget who I was, what my goals are, and what I want out of life. I spent too much time worrying. Worrying about how things would turn out, about what other people thought, about my own happiness. I realized at the time that I was making the wrong choices, but something was telling me I had to make them. My judgement was being clouded by feelings and emotions that I had never felt before. And I loved those feelings. I wanted them to stay forever, even though at the same time I had to put up with the bad feelings and forget myself in the process.
This past week I have been battling very dark emotions from my past...struggling against them, pushing them away. Yet they won't leave until I am forced to deal with them. I always distract myself with a book, a tv show, lighthearted conversation, SOMETHING so I won't have to face my demons. When I do have those quiet moments, I find myself longing for the feelings of comfort and false sense of security that the past year brought me. Although I know that it was never in my best interest, I want to go back. After having a talk with a good friend, I realized that going back would mean I was settling for a life that wasn't me. A life I never wanted, one that didn't fit for me.
I've always believed in living life to the fullest, having a never ending sense of curiosity, pursuing your dreams and never settling. Lately it seems that I forgot that. I am determined to make peace with the past and remember who I am. Everyone gets lost once in a while...it's all part of the adventure. Maybe we're meant to take a couple detours now and then. Besides if we never got lost, how would we find our way back again?
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